Some times you have to look back as a parent and say to yourself, well at least we survived. I had one of these moments yesterday. We had the whole tribe at Verizon for 2 hours trying to figure out our phone (or lack of phone) situation.
Sunday afternoon my dear husband some how lost his phone. It is either in some dark, tiny crevice of a Massey Ferguson tractor or in the middle of a 60 acre corn field. Neither sounds real promising. We coincidentally had an extra phone, that was originally supposed to replace mine due to the fact I’m an iPhone owner who could make one of those commercials with people slicing their fingers off on cracked screens… I hadn’t switched everything over yet so Tom took possession of it and was going to use it.
We had an update we could use, so this whole process should have been fairly simple and quick. 1 reactivated phone switched to Tom’s number and a new phone for me. In and out. Sure.
Let me start this with I really despise Verizon stores. 90% of the employees remind me of preppy kids who failed out of college so now they sell phones and look for any way possible to make a few extra bucks commission off of you. My apologies if you’re a Verizon employee. My sister in law actually works there so I can’t knock all employees.
We embarked on this journey after picking Taylor up from school. It was 11 o’clock and I figured 3 hours was plenty of time to drive to town, do our dealings in Verizon and then drop off a feed sample so the cows had a ration balanced for their new silage. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
It was decided on the way to town that the tribe and I would simply wait in the car to try to minimize the chaos. Pulling in to Verizon it was apparent they were very busy. Tom headed in to check in at the desk. He then came back out and said he had at least a half hour wait until it was his turn. So after sitting and trying to entertain the kids awhile, I decided it would be easier to take the kids to get lunch. Verizon is in the middle of a strip of fast food restaurants, given all of our extra time I let the kids pick different places to get lunch. Emma is a Wendy’s person and Taylor prefers McDonalds golden arches.
We secured lunch, got back to the Verizon parking lot and I distributed their meals. It had taken about 15 minutes or so to get thru the lines and I figured feeding the natives would buy me almost a half hour if I needed it. Once again I was wrong. Two minutes in Emma declares she has to go potty. Like any 5 year old she’ll try to use this excuse to get out of the car, so I brushed her off. A few minutes later she brought it up a little more urgently. I assured her that her dad should be out momentarily. Then the third time she had that look of desperation, coupled with “Mom, I gotta poop!”. So we went to the nearest fast food place.
I hustle 3 kids in to the restaurant and we head to the bathroom. By now Taylor has decided he also has to pee. No big deal until he refused to go in to the women’s restroom. He didn’t just say no, he had the kind of fit where you look around acting like you’re wondering who’s little monster this is having a fist pumping, foot stomping fit on the floor in font of you. Finally I cave and let him go in. I’m thinking the kid just has to pee, 2 seconds and he should be out. Once again wrong.
Emma goes in to the women’s restroom with me, does her business and we head out. Still no Taylor from the men’s room. We wait a few seconds. Then I hear him… You see Taylor still flat out refuses to wipe his butt. He is sitting in the men’s room yelling “MOM COME WIPE MY BUTT I HAD TA POOP! MOM! MOM!” All I’m thinking is great how am I going to pull this one off. I wait a few minutes, we hadn’t seen anyone go in. I was about to work up my courage to knock and make sure the coast was clear when an elderly man came out. Good thing I dodged that bullet.
Another man entered about as soon as that one exited. He heard Taylor’s bellowing (I mean who in the restaurant hadn’t by this point in time) and graciously offered to watch the door for me. So I head in, lecturing him about wiping his own behind the whole time. He informed me he wouldn’t wipe his own butt because it was gross. No joke kid. I gather what’s left of my self pride and we leave, quickly.
No fear, after we pulled back in to Verizon, Tom was still not done. By this point in time the tribe was done. Henry was awake after the whole potty incident and the older two’s gold fish attention span was shot. Finally, at the moment I’m on the brink of losing it he emerges. The clouds parted, the sun shown thru and the angels sang! That’s what it felt like anyways.
So after 2 hours we have 1 new phone, 1 phone switched to a different number and somewhere along the lines picked up a free tablet for lost time and suffering, or maybe it was the data upgrade. Hard to tell.